So I accidentally said, “my crotch has a hole in it.” Instead of “my pants have a hole in them.” And this guy looked me dead in the eyes and whispered
"It’s called a vagina."
There are two reasons why people don’t talk about things; either it doesn’t mean anything to them, or it means everything
a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant
“two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’”
“got it. check my dashboard”
“that skeleton gif you like is back again”
he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”
In Germany we don’t say “I don’t care” we say “Das ist mir Wurst” which roughly translates as “This is sausage to me” I think that’s beautiful.
no you don’t understand we actually do say that
i crashed my car into a bridge
THIS IS SAUSAGE TO ME
my mom was carrying her ipad and a piece of pizza but she stumbled and dropped her ipad on the floor but held tight to her pizza and i’m so glad i know where my priorities come from
if your mom and dad are still together you don’t understand how lucky you are
like you know why girls steal their boyfriend’s sweaters? because a $20 sweater for y’all is nicely designed, good colour, provides warmth and lasts through washes but $20 girls sweaters are some gross pastel shit with short hems and short sleeves and get worn out after one spin cycle and they’re thin as shit